I never knew what it was to be without fear
until there was him

how he led me to the shadows of my salvation
and i, easy prey
desperate for freedom
freedom to let these dark wings biting at my skin soar
and he, he sensed it, smelled it
and embraced every ounce
coaxing it

willing it

molding it

into this dark angel I became
life-long barriers quickly diminished

in this realm we created
debauchery was not a word
it was a way of life
and in it,

I thrived
I became an entity of me
in the trenches of my mind
the dirty, dark confines of one’s soul
where the sane distract themselves
from fear of getting ripped to shreds
that is where I lived.
i bathed in it
and he,
he was my water.

how i let him ravish my veins
turning me into his masterpiece
standing on the edge of his every word
waiting, wanting, needing
and when he came I drank him as he would taste the spoils of his creation
my sweet poison he was that I forcefully injected without haste
my daily dose of life that without, my breath would surely fail

and so we danced our dance a thousand nights from moonlight to a tipping dawn
how I knew even then with each new day brought with it this emptiness, this brokenness
this void that drowns me now
for he is gone
this false God I bowed to
this magician of sorcery
this beast that fed me in slow seductive doses
and now I am here in once our darkness
unable to stray
broken, addicted and derailed
waiting for my wings to come back to me

~J~

03/24/2016